Friday, June 18, 2004
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Just passing this along:
12 (sarcastic) reasons gay marriage should be illegal
This was sent to us by our stalwart contributor,
Ginger K. It is credited to one Dino Pollard.
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses,
polyester, heart surgery, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they
produce children. Which is why infertile couples and
old people can't legally get married.
3. Gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay
marriage is allowed. Britney Spears' 55-hour
just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time
and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks
can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the
courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not
courts, have historically protected the rights of the
minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a
theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are
imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only
one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in
the same way that hanging around tall people will make
you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all
kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry
their pets because a dog has legal standing and can
sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a
female role model at home. That's why single parents
are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of
society. We could never adapt to new social norms
because we haven't adapted to things like cars, longer
life spans, or women voting.
12. Civil unions that provide most of the benefits as
marriage, but with a different name, are better
because a "separate but equal" institution is always
constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans
worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and
lesbians will.
See! A bad attitude has a valuable place in society.
12 (sarcastic) reasons gay marriage should be illegal
This was sent to us by our stalwart contributor,
Ginger K. It is credited to one Dino Pollard.
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses,
polyester, heart surgery, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they
produce children. Which is why infertile couples and
old people can't legally get married.
3. Gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay
marriage is allowed. Britney Spears' 55-hour
just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time
and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks
can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the
courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not
courts, have historically protected the rights of the
minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a
theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are
imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only
one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in
the same way that hanging around tall people will make
you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all
kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry
their pets because a dog has legal standing and can
sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a
female role model at home. That's why single parents
are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of
society. We could never adapt to new social norms
because we haven't adapted to things like cars, longer
life spans, or women voting.
12. Civil unions that provide most of the benefits as
marriage, but with a different name, are better
because a "separate but equal" institution is always
constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans
worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and
lesbians will.
See! A bad attitude has a valuable place in society.
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