Monday, December 20, 2004
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KITZI'S KRONICLES' KARD
It's been another banner year for the Bushnell Clan of Oak Park, Illinois and the World and once again time to bring friends and extended family up to date.
I'm established in my almost-chosen field and push, pour, stir and shake with evermore a combination of flair and elan.
Surfing is Hawaii's favorite pastime and I've jumped in head first, regularly visiting the beach and shouting encouragement to waveriders to "hang five."
My relentless ascension toward culinary expertise was showcased with an unbiased testimony from neighbor Joan, who declared after tasting my fare, "This is one of the best grilled cheese sandwiches I can ever remember having."
I entered my first novel-writing contest and scored 62 out of a
possible 150 points, earning a ranking in the top 100% of submissions.
Significant Other Kas is 365 days closer to to a Master's Degree. Can wedding bells be far behind?
Mom and Dad are enjoying middle age and contribute to the Illinois State Treasury with regular trips to Harrah's Dockside Casino. On the home front, they created peace on earth by getting twin beds and partitioning the master bedroom.
My sister Amy had perfect attendance in school for the month of October and has had two dates with the same boy. Her guidance counselor advised against applying to any colleges that had a November deadline on the theory that her grades will be even better in the Spring.
Continuing the Bushnell Family tradition of service to our country, brother Alan answered the call to jury duty. He was almost put on a case but the defendant happened to be his asthma doctor. Except for the snow and the difficulty breathing mile-high air, he loves Denver and signed up for an elite group who are on the waiting list to buy season tickets for the Broncos. There's a 12- to 15-year line ahead of him but he calculates that by the time his name comes up, he'll have gotten enough raises to afford a pair of tickets and have found a girlfriend to enjoy them with.
May you all be half as blessed as the Bushnells have been. Seasons Greetings to everyone!
It's been another banner year for the Bushnell Clan of Oak Park, Illinois and the World and once again time to bring friends and extended family up to date.
I'm established in my almost-chosen field and push, pour, stir and shake with evermore a combination of flair and elan.
Surfing is Hawaii's favorite pastime and I've jumped in head first, regularly visiting the beach and shouting encouragement to waveriders to "hang five."
My relentless ascension toward culinary expertise was showcased with an unbiased testimony from neighbor Joan, who declared after tasting my fare, "This is one of the best grilled cheese sandwiches I can ever remember having."
I entered my first novel-writing contest and scored 62 out of a
possible 150 points, earning a ranking in the top 100% of submissions.
Significant Other Kas is 365 days closer to to a Master's Degree. Can wedding bells be far behind?
Mom and Dad are enjoying middle age and contribute to the Illinois State Treasury with regular trips to Harrah's Dockside Casino. On the home front, they created peace on earth by getting twin beds and partitioning the master bedroom.
My sister Amy had perfect attendance in school for the month of October and has had two dates with the same boy. Her guidance counselor advised against applying to any colleges that had a November deadline on the theory that her grades will be even better in the Spring.
Continuing the Bushnell Family tradition of service to our country, brother Alan answered the call to jury duty. He was almost put on a case but the defendant happened to be his asthma doctor. Except for the snow and the difficulty breathing mile-high air, he loves Denver and signed up for an elite group who are on the waiting list to buy season tickets for the Broncos. There's a 12- to 15-year line ahead of him but he calculates that by the time his name comes up, he'll have gotten enough raises to afford a pair of tickets and have found a girlfriend to enjoy them with.
May you all be half as blessed as the Bushnells have been. Seasons Greetings to everyone!
Thursday, December 16, 2004
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SHOE SAVANT
Have any of you shopped for shoes at Zappos.com? They have a good selection and good prices and free shipping.
I'm here to warn you about their shopping cart. My experience with online shopping is extensive enough that I feel confident in how things work. I did my usual shopping around, plopping things into the cart as I always do, to be pared down to the essentials when I get tired of looking.
When I had enough shopping, I clicked the checkout button, and as usual, it took me to a screen where I could sign in as a returning customer or register as a new one. Being new to Zappos, I filled in my email address and credit card information and hit the continue button. Voila! I had ordered five pairs of shoes. Just like that.
The good news is that I received an email informing me that because I'm such a good customer, they have upgraded my free shipping from the usual 4-5 days to overnight shipping at no charge. It's very exciting to be among their elite customers.
Have any of you shopped for shoes at Zappos.com? They have a good selection and good prices and free shipping.
I'm here to warn you about their shopping cart. My experience with online shopping is extensive enough that I feel confident in how things work. I did my usual shopping around, plopping things into the cart as I always do, to be pared down to the essentials when I get tired of looking.
When I had enough shopping, I clicked the checkout button, and as usual, it took me to a screen where I could sign in as a returning customer or register as a new one. Being new to Zappos, I filled in my email address and credit card information and hit the continue button. Voila! I had ordered five pairs of shoes. Just like that.
The good news is that I received an email informing me that because I'm such a good customer, they have upgraded my free shipping from the usual 4-5 days to overnight shipping at no charge. It's very exciting to be among their elite customers.
Monday, December 13, 2004
|
BEST BROWNIES WITH FUDGE FROSTING
A gift from me to all of you on the anniversary of my very first blog. Yes, indeed. My first entry was written December 13, 2003.
I'm not much of a cook, but I know what I like and these are really good brownies. Give them a try and let me know what you think.
BROWNIES
Beat slightly 1 1/2 cup whole eggs (6-8) and 1 tsp vanilla. Gradually add 3 cups sugar, beat until thick, similar to cake batter.
Melt together 1 1/2 cup butter or margarine and 1 cup cocoa. Mix into egg and sugar mixture.
Add 2 cups flour and pinch of salt. Fold in 1 cup chopped nuts, if desired.
Bake in greased jelly roll pan (10 x 15) at 300 for 35-40 minutes.
Fudge Frosting
Mix in saucepan:
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 Tbsp cocoa
2 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp light corn syrup
1/4 cup milk
pinch of salt
Heat to boiling and simmer 3 minutes, stirring frequently. Cool.
Add 1/2 tsp vanilla and 1/2 to 1 cup powdered sugar and beat well.
Spread over cooled brownies.
A gift from me to all of you on the anniversary of my very first blog. Yes, indeed. My first entry was written December 13, 2003.
I'm not much of a cook, but I know what I like and these are really good brownies. Give them a try and let me know what you think.
BROWNIES
Beat slightly 1 1/2 cup whole eggs (6-8) and 1 tsp vanilla. Gradually add 3 cups sugar, beat until thick, similar to cake batter.
Melt together 1 1/2 cup butter or margarine and 1 cup cocoa. Mix into egg and sugar mixture.
Add 2 cups flour and pinch of salt. Fold in 1 cup chopped nuts, if desired.
Bake in greased jelly roll pan (10 x 15) at 300 for 35-40 minutes.
Fudge Frosting
Mix in saucepan:
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 Tbsp cocoa
2 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp light corn syrup
1/4 cup milk
pinch of salt
Heat to boiling and simmer 3 minutes, stirring frequently. Cool.
Add 1/2 tsp vanilla and 1/2 to 1 cup powdered sugar and beat well.
Spread over cooled brownies.
Friday, December 10, 2004
|
CHICK LIT 101 - MORE HOW NOT-TO-DO
This from my second entry in the Get Your Stiletto in the Door contest and my futile attempt to have art imitate life:
JUDGE 1: Does the story begin in the right place? While I do think it’s important to get Kitzi settled in her new home, I want to get to the mystery sooner. There is really no conflict yet and we’re already 40 pages in. I’m wondering, what is this story about? Does the beginning engage the reader? It’s good and gets us acquainted with her new life, but not the place. What I would have liked to see is more of Hawaii. You’re in this beautiful new place. I want to see the people around, the weather, the sky, the beach. Kitzi is a visual person, she would constantly be noticing these things. Is the conflict strong enough to carry the plot and/or is there clear groundwork for later complications? The synopsis spells out the conflict very well, which was helpful. Without that, I would be wondering after 40 pages, what is this story about? I don’t see any conflict and Kitzi doesn’t seem to have any strong emotions about anything. Does the plot avoid obvious contrivances? Is it believable within the conventions of the genre? Is the mood and/or setting strong enough for the needs of the story? I often got lost as to where we are. Wondering what things around us “look” like. I would like to see more of Hawaii. When the submission ended, did you want to keep reading the story? I wanted to see the relationship between Kas and Kitzi develop and also see where the mystery takes us . But I wanted something BIG to happen very soon. Are the heroine/main characters developed and well-defined? Other than loving her family, I don’t feel I know Kitzi at all. What is she passionate about other than pictures? What does she feel when she meets Kas? Her emotions except homesickness are mostly left out of this piece. Are the heroine/main characters original and engaging? She reminds me of the “everygirl” but I don’t feel like I know her personally, as a friend. Do the heroine/main characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? I don’t get a sense of her voice much. But her traits, loving pictures and her family are very unique and endearing. Are secondary characters necessary and do they add to the heroine/main characters’ story? I almost feel the secondary characters, except Joan, are more developed than Kitzi. Joan is just a caricature to me. I know nothing about her. Are the supporting characters three-dimensional people, with their own goals and desires? Joan needs her own persona. What kind of girl is she? Partier? Hard worker? Is POV consistent and clear? Slip once into Brian’s POV. And or being in Kitzi’s POV, you don’t give us enough of her thoughts. Is the dialogue/interior monologue natural and does it ring true to the characters’ age, position and personality? It does sound unnatural and speech like in a few places. Are dialogue tags used to advantage in terms of clarity and style? In a few places, there were no tags and no beats. Do you get a vivid picture from the writing? I got no picture of Hawaii from the writing. Except for a few good descriptions, I don’t know what anyplace looks like. Are transitions between scenes and POV handled smoothly with no abrupt shifts? Some transitions were very sudden and I was confused for a few minutes. Did the author show skill with “hooks” in both the beginning and ends of scenes/chapters? There are no hooks per say, but I did want to keep reading on to see how Kitzi will deal with her new location. Did the entry keep you turning the pages? Was it compelling? The mystery element comes in too late. After 40 pages, I want to feel like her life is going to change dramatically. Synopsis (15 Points) 15/15 __5____ Does the synopsis showcase the writer’s voice? ___5___ Are the heroine/main characters’ goals, motivations and conflicts clearly defined? ___5___ Does the story avoid an “easy” solution in favor of a resolution that involves growth and/or great risk to the characters? Final Word (0 or 5 Points Only) 5/5 __5____ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? I like her attachment to her family, her guts to come all the way to Hawaii and her passion for photography. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). Kitzi’s family ties All the new friends she’s making. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) Her interior monologue. I want to be in her head more. What does she think, feel, see, hear? More setting and description. What is around her? Tell us about beautiful Hawaii.
JUDGE 2 Do the characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? [When you use dialogue, it’s great! We get to know her. But all the straight narration and telling, instead of showing, distances the reader from your characters.] ___0__ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? She sounds fun when we actually get to hear her voice. The ‘books by the pound’ and her engaging friendliness. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). I think you have a gift for dialogue. I’d love to have heard more of it. Also, the Hawaii setting and the mystery based in WWII is fascinating. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) The drone of constant narration instead of the actual movement/dialogue/interaction drags the story down to a snail’s pace. You described four separate shopping trips in forty pages! Plus the contents of her suitcase. And so on and so forth. No editor or agent is going to slog through so much description. If you pick up the pacing, you can really build a great story with your intriguing premise. 4. Anything else? This is not chick lit. You’d do much better categorizing/shopping it as romantic suspense or straight suspense, depending on how you proceed with it.
This from my second entry in the Get Your Stiletto in the Door contest and my futile attempt to have art imitate life:
JUDGE 1: Does the story begin in the right place? While I do think it’s important to get Kitzi settled in her new home, I want to get to the mystery sooner. There is really no conflict yet and we’re already 40 pages in. I’m wondering, what is this story about? Does the beginning engage the reader? It’s good and gets us acquainted with her new life, but not the place. What I would have liked to see is more of Hawaii. You’re in this beautiful new place. I want to see the people around, the weather, the sky, the beach. Kitzi is a visual person, she would constantly be noticing these things. Is the conflict strong enough to carry the plot and/or is there clear groundwork for later complications? The synopsis spells out the conflict very well, which was helpful. Without that, I would be wondering after 40 pages, what is this story about? I don’t see any conflict and Kitzi doesn’t seem to have any strong emotions about anything. Does the plot avoid obvious contrivances? Is it believable within the conventions of the genre? Is the mood and/or setting strong enough for the needs of the story? I often got lost as to where we are. Wondering what things around us “look” like. I would like to see more of Hawaii. When the submission ended, did you want to keep reading the story? I wanted to see the relationship between Kas and Kitzi develop and also see where the mystery takes us . But I wanted something BIG to happen very soon. Are the heroine/main characters developed and well-defined? Other than loving her family, I don’t feel I know Kitzi at all. What is she passionate about other than pictures? What does she feel when she meets Kas? Her emotions except homesickness are mostly left out of this piece. Are the heroine/main characters original and engaging? She reminds me of the “everygirl” but I don’t feel like I know her personally, as a friend. Do the heroine/main characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? I don’t get a sense of her voice much. But her traits, loving pictures and her family are very unique and endearing. Are secondary characters necessary and do they add to the heroine/main characters’ story? I almost feel the secondary characters, except Joan, are more developed than Kitzi. Joan is just a caricature to me. I know nothing about her. Are the supporting characters three-dimensional people, with their own goals and desires? Joan needs her own persona. What kind of girl is she? Partier? Hard worker? Is POV consistent and clear? Slip once into Brian’s POV. And or being in Kitzi’s POV, you don’t give us enough of her thoughts. Is the dialogue/interior monologue natural and does it ring true to the characters’ age, position and personality? It does sound unnatural and speech like in a few places. Are dialogue tags used to advantage in terms of clarity and style? In a few places, there were no tags and no beats. Do you get a vivid picture from the writing? I got no picture of Hawaii from the writing. Except for a few good descriptions, I don’t know what anyplace looks like. Are transitions between scenes and POV handled smoothly with no abrupt shifts? Some transitions were very sudden and I was confused for a few minutes. Did the author show skill with “hooks” in both the beginning and ends of scenes/chapters? There are no hooks per say, but I did want to keep reading on to see how Kitzi will deal with her new location. Did the entry keep you turning the pages? Was it compelling? The mystery element comes in too late. After 40 pages, I want to feel like her life is going to change dramatically. Synopsis (15 Points) 15/15 __5____ Does the synopsis showcase the writer’s voice? ___5___ Are the heroine/main characters’ goals, motivations and conflicts clearly defined? ___5___ Does the story avoid an “easy” solution in favor of a resolution that involves growth and/or great risk to the characters? Final Word (0 or 5 Points Only) 5/5 __5____ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? I like her attachment to her family, her guts to come all the way to Hawaii and her passion for photography. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). Kitzi’s family ties All the new friends she’s making. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) Her interior monologue. I want to be in her head more. What does she think, feel, see, hear? More setting and description. What is around her? Tell us about beautiful Hawaii.
JUDGE 2 Do the characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? [When you use dialogue, it’s great! We get to know her. But all the straight narration and telling, instead of showing, distances the reader from your characters.] ___0__ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? She sounds fun when we actually get to hear her voice. The ‘books by the pound’ and her engaging friendliness. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). I think you have a gift for dialogue. I’d love to have heard more of it. Also, the Hawaii setting and the mystery based in WWII is fascinating. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) The drone of constant narration instead of the actual movement/dialogue/interaction drags the story down to a snail’s pace. You described four separate shopping trips in forty pages! Plus the contents of her suitcase. And so on and so forth. No editor or agent is going to slog through so much description. If you pick up the pacing, you can really build a great story with your intriguing premise. 4. Anything else? This is not chick lit. You’d do much better categorizing/shopping it as romantic suspense or straight suspense, depending on how you proceed with it.
Monday, December 06, 2004
|Thursday, December 02, 2004
|
I HAVE ALWAYS DEPENDED ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS
Though I consider fellow bloggers more friends than strangers. And in reference to the kind and helpful comments of Wes, Amanda, Cheryl and Deb on the previous post, I'll offer some general responses.
It's evident that I did not have a grasp on what defines "Chick Lit" so it's back to square one on learning what that is. My naive assumption that a story about a 20-something's trials and tribulations with men qualifies as chick lit was clearly wrong. Yet as Wes and Amanda point out, one should write what he/she enjoys writing, and not try to fit a particular mold.
My local friend Joan asked how the judges could get a full picture from just three chapters and a synopsis but I have no problem with that. As any wannabe author knows, the beginning must be interesting and entertaining enough to get the reader to want to read more - which I obviously failed to do.
As for the judging, as far as I'm concerned, the $35 entry fee was a real bargain. I didn't want to make my post any longer than it was but in addition to the score sheets that I summarized, each of the two judges interspersed comments throughout the course of the manuscript chapters. This was the first contest I've entered and I don't doubt that there are scams out there but as I intended to suggest by quoting
heavily from the critiques, in this particular contest the judges more than gave me my money's worth with their time, thoughtfulness, and advice.
I did find some irony in this: criticism that what I wrote has been done to death and in the next breath being told I should read and read and read the genre.
In a day or two, I'll put up the advice I got on the second entry. As previously noted, it was for the contest's mystery category and much more autobiographical in setting and characters.
Though I consider fellow bloggers more friends than strangers. And in reference to the kind and helpful comments of Wes, Amanda, Cheryl and Deb on the previous post, I'll offer some general responses.
It's evident that I did not have a grasp on what defines "Chick Lit" so it's back to square one on learning what that is. My naive assumption that a story about a 20-something's trials and tribulations with men qualifies as chick lit was clearly wrong. Yet as Wes and Amanda point out, one should write what he/she enjoys writing, and not try to fit a particular mold.
My local friend Joan asked how the judges could get a full picture from just three chapters and a synopsis but I have no problem with that. As any wannabe author knows, the beginning must be interesting and entertaining enough to get the reader to want to read more - which I obviously failed to do.
As for the judging, as far as I'm concerned, the $35 entry fee was a real bargain. I didn't want to make my post any longer than it was but in addition to the score sheets that I summarized, each of the two judges interspersed comments throughout the course of the manuscript chapters. This was the first contest I've entered and I don't doubt that there are scams out there but as I intended to suggest by quoting
heavily from the critiques, in this particular contest the judges more than gave me my money's worth with their time, thoughtfulness, and advice.
I did find some irony in this: criticism that what I wrote has been done to death and in the next breath being told I should read and read and read the genre.
In a day or two, I'll put up the advice I got on the second entry. As previously noted, it was for the contest's mystery category and much more autobiographical in setting and characters.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
|
FAILING CHICK LIT 101
As promised, I have prepared a summary of the advice contained in the critiques I received in my two entries to the Get Your Stiletto in the Door Contest. In each case, the contestant was asked to submit a synposis, the first three chapters, and, if applicable, the prologue.
Some of this will result in "Duh" or "Don't you know anything about writing?" but it was still worthwhile to me. Today's post is in reference to my Chick Lit on the Edge-category story set in Montana and 20-something protagonist, Janelle. I realize that without reading the story it's hard to understand everything the judges rip apart but perhaps some good general writing advice from the judges will shine through.
By the way, technicalities count. In my case, formatting was deficient. I double-spaced and spell-checked but was scolded on numerous occasions for not indenting.
Two judges reviewed every entry. Their instructions are in italics.
From Judge #1
Does the story begin in the right place? Start where she is dumped and hurt. Give her some goals. Does she think she falls in love too easily? What is at stake for this heroine? She's been no where, done nothing. Does she want to travel? If she falls in love how will this affect her plans? You need to build a lot more layers in to make this story different and interesting.
Does the beginning engage the reader? Too cliched. I could tell what was going to happen before it did.
Is there a strong sense of movement throughout the entry? Very slow.
Is the conflict strong enough to carry the plot and/or is there clear groundwork for later complications? No conflict evident in three chapters.
When the submission ended, did you want to keep reading the story? Not suitable for this category. Is not an edgy story. More a category romance.
Does the heroine/main characters tackle her challenges in a believable and satisfying manner? No challenge evident.
Are secondary characters necessary and do they add to the heroine/main characters' story?Nice friendships.
Are the supporting characters three-dimensional people, with their own goals and desires? Not evident.
Is POV consistent and clear? Varies at times.
Does the dialogue move the story forward and reveal story elements in a way narrative cannot? Some engaging dialogue initially.
Is the voice strong? Not a chick lit voice. Not sassy enough.
Is the writing natural and fresh, not forced? Very smooth writing.
Did the author show skill with "hooks" in both the beginning and ends of scenes/chapters? Reads like a romance.
Did the entry keep you turning the pages? Was it compelling? Not at all.
Does the synopsis showcase the writer's voice? Moves faster than the story.
Does the story avoid an "easy" solution in favor of a resolution that involves growth and/or great risk to the characters? I'd like to see a more original plot than the car crash plot. It's been done a lot of times.
Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit? This reads more like a romance plot to me rather than a heroine who is going through character growth.
Constructive Comments: Judge #1 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? Starts really well with snappy dialogue but ends like a romantic seduction.
2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate).Dialogue. Your writing flows well.
3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) Plot, pacing and understanding of what chick lit is. This plot is very tired and has been done to death in category romance. Chick lit is about the heroine's emotional journey. Give your heroine some goals, things that she aims to do with her life other than just finding the right man, although that can certainly be part of her journey. Give her an interesting background and or/family to make this story stand out more.
4. Anything else? I feel you need to read the genre more to get the feel of it.
Constructive Comments, Judge #2 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? Janelle had a lot of potential, but you held her away from the reader at arm's length. Never really got into her head to know her thoughts, feelings, emotions towards anything. She was sort of walking through the motions. From the entry, I didn't know her age, where she lived or her occupation, which was spelled out in the synopsis. Try to weave and braid that important information into the story so the reader can really get on her side. I wanted to like Janelle more, but she was flat on the page to me. I wanted her to stand up more. And if she's to be a true chick lit heroine, she's got to have a distinct attitude and a strong voice that makes her someone you'd want to be friends with, sympathize with and really get to know.
2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). Set the scene well. Sally seems like an endearing character...would have liked to have gotten to know her more. The dialogue is good, but there are hardly any dialogue tags in the manuscript. Tags help convey action and a sense of being in the scene.
3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) The plot doesn't seem to be paced fast enough in the entry I read. From the synopsis...a lot happens. Suggest ditching so much of the back-story that slows the pace and really jump into the action. What's important? What is the overall point of the story being told? Also, the dialogue needed to be kicked up a bit. It sounded like ordinary, every day conversations. Readers want to be compelled and want to be propelled forward through the dialogue. Really test your characters and go deeper in their heads to show the reader who they are.
4. Anything else? Great effort here. Suggest beefing it up and tightening and tossing it into some romance contests. If you're truly wanting to write chick lit, suggest reading, reading and more reading. The Chick Lit Writers website has a lot of book recommendations that might help if you want to learn more about the genre.
As promised, I have prepared a summary of the advice contained in the critiques I received in my two entries to the Get Your Stiletto in the Door Contest. In each case, the contestant was asked to submit a synposis, the first three chapters, and, if applicable, the prologue.
Some of this will result in "Duh" or "Don't you know anything about writing?" but it was still worthwhile to me. Today's post is in reference to my Chick Lit on the Edge-category story set in Montana and 20-something protagonist, Janelle. I realize that without reading the story it's hard to understand everything the judges rip apart but perhaps some good general writing advice from the judges will shine through.
By the way, technicalities count. In my case, formatting was deficient. I double-spaced and spell-checked but was scolded on numerous occasions for not indenting.
Two judges reviewed every entry. Their instructions are in italics.
From Judge #1
Does the story begin in the right place? Start where she is dumped and hurt. Give her some goals. Does she think she falls in love too easily? What is at stake for this heroine? She's been no where, done nothing. Does she want to travel? If she falls in love how will this affect her plans? You need to build a lot more layers in to make this story different and interesting.
Does the beginning engage the reader? Too cliched. I could tell what was going to happen before it did.
Is there a strong sense of movement throughout the entry? Very slow.
Is the conflict strong enough to carry the plot and/or is there clear groundwork for later complications? No conflict evident in three chapters.
When the submission ended, did you want to keep reading the story? Not suitable for this category. Is not an edgy story. More a category romance.
Does the heroine/main characters tackle her challenges in a believable and satisfying manner? No challenge evident.
Are secondary characters necessary and do they add to the heroine/main characters' story?Nice friendships.
Are the supporting characters three-dimensional people, with their own goals and desires? Not evident.
Is POV consistent and clear? Varies at times.
Does the dialogue move the story forward and reveal story elements in a way narrative cannot? Some engaging dialogue initially.
Is the voice strong? Not a chick lit voice. Not sassy enough.
Is the writing natural and fresh, not forced? Very smooth writing.
Did the author show skill with "hooks" in both the beginning and ends of scenes/chapters? Reads like a romance.
Did the entry keep you turning the pages? Was it compelling? Not at all.
Does the synopsis showcase the writer's voice? Moves faster than the story.
Does the story avoid an "easy" solution in favor of a resolution that involves growth and/or great risk to the characters? I'd like to see a more original plot than the car crash plot. It's been done a lot of times.
Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit? This reads more like a romance plot to me rather than a heroine who is going through character growth.
Constructive Comments: Judge #1 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? Starts really well with snappy dialogue but ends like a romantic seduction.
2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate).Dialogue. Your writing flows well.
3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) Plot, pacing and understanding of what chick lit is. This plot is very tired and has been done to death in category romance. Chick lit is about the heroine's emotional journey. Give your heroine some goals, things that she aims to do with her life other than just finding the right man, although that can certainly be part of her journey. Give her an interesting background and or/family to make this story stand out more.
4. Anything else? I feel you need to read the genre more to get the feel of it.
Constructive Comments, Judge #2 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? Janelle had a lot of potential, but you held her away from the reader at arm's length. Never really got into her head to know her thoughts, feelings, emotions towards anything. She was sort of walking through the motions. From the entry, I didn't know her age, where she lived or her occupation, which was spelled out in the synopsis. Try to weave and braid that important information into the story so the reader can really get on her side. I wanted to like Janelle more, but she was flat on the page to me. I wanted her to stand up more. And if she's to be a true chick lit heroine, she's got to have a distinct attitude and a strong voice that makes her someone you'd want to be friends with, sympathize with and really get to know.
2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). Set the scene well. Sally seems like an endearing character...would have liked to have gotten to know her more. The dialogue is good, but there are hardly any dialogue tags in the manuscript. Tags help convey action and a sense of being in the scene.
3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) The plot doesn't seem to be paced fast enough in the entry I read. From the synopsis...a lot happens. Suggest ditching so much of the back-story that slows the pace and really jump into the action. What's important? What is the overall point of the story being told? Also, the dialogue needed to be kicked up a bit. It sounded like ordinary, every day conversations. Readers want to be compelled and want to be propelled forward through the dialogue. Really test your characters and go deeper in their heads to show the reader who they are.
4. Anything else? Great effort here. Suggest beefing it up and tightening and tossing it into some romance contests. If you're truly wanting to write chick lit, suggest reading, reading and more reading. The Chick Lit Writers website has a lot of book recommendations that might help if you want to learn more about the genre.
