Friday, December 10, 2004
|
CHICK LIT 101 - MORE HOW NOT-TO-DO
This from my second entry in the Get Your Stiletto in the Door contest and my futile attempt to have art imitate life:
JUDGE 1: Does the story begin in the right place? While I do think it’s important to get Kitzi settled in her new home, I want to get to the mystery sooner. There is really no conflict yet and we’re already 40 pages in. I’m wondering, what is this story about? Does the beginning engage the reader? It’s good and gets us acquainted with her new life, but not the place. What I would have liked to see is more of Hawaii. You’re in this beautiful new place. I want to see the people around, the weather, the sky, the beach. Kitzi is a visual person, she would constantly be noticing these things. Is the conflict strong enough to carry the plot and/or is there clear groundwork for later complications? The synopsis spells out the conflict very well, which was helpful. Without that, I would be wondering after 40 pages, what is this story about? I don’t see any conflict and Kitzi doesn’t seem to have any strong emotions about anything. Does the plot avoid obvious contrivances? Is it believable within the conventions of the genre? Is the mood and/or setting strong enough for the needs of the story? I often got lost as to where we are. Wondering what things around us “look” like. I would like to see more of Hawaii. When the submission ended, did you want to keep reading the story? I wanted to see the relationship between Kas and Kitzi develop and also see where the mystery takes us . But I wanted something BIG to happen very soon. Are the heroine/main characters developed and well-defined? Other than loving her family, I don’t feel I know Kitzi at all. What is she passionate about other than pictures? What does she feel when she meets Kas? Her emotions except homesickness are mostly left out of this piece. Are the heroine/main characters original and engaging? She reminds me of the “everygirl” but I don’t feel like I know her personally, as a friend. Do the heroine/main characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? I don’t get a sense of her voice much. But her traits, loving pictures and her family are very unique and endearing. Are secondary characters necessary and do they add to the heroine/main characters’ story? I almost feel the secondary characters, except Joan, are more developed than Kitzi. Joan is just a caricature to me. I know nothing about her. Are the supporting characters three-dimensional people, with their own goals and desires? Joan needs her own persona. What kind of girl is she? Partier? Hard worker? Is POV consistent and clear? Slip once into Brian’s POV. And or being in Kitzi’s POV, you don’t give us enough of her thoughts. Is the dialogue/interior monologue natural and does it ring true to the characters’ age, position and personality? It does sound unnatural and speech like in a few places. Are dialogue tags used to advantage in terms of clarity and style? In a few places, there were no tags and no beats. Do you get a vivid picture from the writing? I got no picture of Hawaii from the writing. Except for a few good descriptions, I don’t know what anyplace looks like. Are transitions between scenes and POV handled smoothly with no abrupt shifts? Some transitions were very sudden and I was confused for a few minutes. Did the author show skill with “hooks” in both the beginning and ends of scenes/chapters? There are no hooks per say, but I did want to keep reading on to see how Kitzi will deal with her new location. Did the entry keep you turning the pages? Was it compelling? The mystery element comes in too late. After 40 pages, I want to feel like her life is going to change dramatically. Synopsis (15 Points) 15/15 __5____ Does the synopsis showcase the writer’s voice? ___5___ Are the heroine/main characters’ goals, motivations and conflicts clearly defined? ___5___ Does the story avoid an “easy” solution in favor of a resolution that involves growth and/or great risk to the characters? Final Word (0 or 5 Points Only) 5/5 __5____ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? I like her attachment to her family, her guts to come all the way to Hawaii and her passion for photography. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). Kitzi’s family ties All the new friends she’s making. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) Her interior monologue. I want to be in her head more. What does she think, feel, see, hear? More setting and description. What is around her? Tell us about beautiful Hawaii.
JUDGE 2 Do the characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? [When you use dialogue, it’s great! We get to know her. But all the straight narration and telling, instead of showing, distances the reader from your characters.] ___0__ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? She sounds fun when we actually get to hear her voice. The ‘books by the pound’ and her engaging friendliness. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). I think you have a gift for dialogue. I’d love to have heard more of it. Also, the Hawaii setting and the mystery based in WWII is fascinating. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) The drone of constant narration instead of the actual movement/dialogue/interaction drags the story down to a snail’s pace. You described four separate shopping trips in forty pages! Plus the contents of her suitcase. And so on and so forth. No editor or agent is going to slog through so much description. If you pick up the pacing, you can really build a great story with your intriguing premise. 4. Anything else? This is not chick lit. You’d do much better categorizing/shopping it as romantic suspense or straight suspense, depending on how you proceed with it.
This from my second entry in the Get Your Stiletto in the Door contest and my futile attempt to have art imitate life:
JUDGE 1: Does the story begin in the right place? While I do think it’s important to get Kitzi settled in her new home, I want to get to the mystery sooner. There is really no conflict yet and we’re already 40 pages in. I’m wondering, what is this story about? Does the beginning engage the reader? It’s good and gets us acquainted with her new life, but not the place. What I would have liked to see is more of Hawaii. You’re in this beautiful new place. I want to see the people around, the weather, the sky, the beach. Kitzi is a visual person, she would constantly be noticing these things. Is the conflict strong enough to carry the plot and/or is there clear groundwork for later complications? The synopsis spells out the conflict very well, which was helpful. Without that, I would be wondering after 40 pages, what is this story about? I don’t see any conflict and Kitzi doesn’t seem to have any strong emotions about anything. Does the plot avoid obvious contrivances? Is it believable within the conventions of the genre? Is the mood and/or setting strong enough for the needs of the story? I often got lost as to where we are. Wondering what things around us “look” like. I would like to see more of Hawaii. When the submission ended, did you want to keep reading the story? I wanted to see the relationship between Kas and Kitzi develop and also see where the mystery takes us . But I wanted something BIG to happen very soon. Are the heroine/main characters developed and well-defined? Other than loving her family, I don’t feel I know Kitzi at all. What is she passionate about other than pictures? What does she feel when she meets Kas? Her emotions except homesickness are mostly left out of this piece. Are the heroine/main characters original and engaging? She reminds me of the “everygirl” but I don’t feel like I know her personally, as a friend. Do the heroine/main characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? I don’t get a sense of her voice much. But her traits, loving pictures and her family are very unique and endearing. Are secondary characters necessary and do they add to the heroine/main characters’ story? I almost feel the secondary characters, except Joan, are more developed than Kitzi. Joan is just a caricature to me. I know nothing about her. Are the supporting characters three-dimensional people, with their own goals and desires? Joan needs her own persona. What kind of girl is she? Partier? Hard worker? Is POV consistent and clear? Slip once into Brian’s POV. And or being in Kitzi’s POV, you don’t give us enough of her thoughts. Is the dialogue/interior monologue natural and does it ring true to the characters’ age, position and personality? It does sound unnatural and speech like in a few places. Are dialogue tags used to advantage in terms of clarity and style? In a few places, there were no tags and no beats. Do you get a vivid picture from the writing? I got no picture of Hawaii from the writing. Except for a few good descriptions, I don’t know what anyplace looks like. Are transitions between scenes and POV handled smoothly with no abrupt shifts? Some transitions were very sudden and I was confused for a few minutes. Did the author show skill with “hooks” in both the beginning and ends of scenes/chapters? There are no hooks per say, but I did want to keep reading on to see how Kitzi will deal with her new location. Did the entry keep you turning the pages? Was it compelling? The mystery element comes in too late. After 40 pages, I want to feel like her life is going to change dramatically. Synopsis (15 Points) 15/15 __5____ Does the synopsis showcase the writer’s voice? ___5___ Are the heroine/main characters’ goals, motivations and conflicts clearly defined? ___5___ Does the story avoid an “easy” solution in favor of a resolution that involves growth and/or great risk to the characters? Final Word (0 or 5 Points Only) 5/5 __5____ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? I like her attachment to her family, her guts to come all the way to Hawaii and her passion for photography. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). Kitzi’s family ties All the new friends she’s making. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) Her interior monologue. I want to be in her head more. What does she think, feel, see, hear? More setting and description. What is around her? Tell us about beautiful Hawaii.
JUDGE 2 Do the characters have unique voices and traits? Are they consistent? [When you use dialogue, it’s great! We get to know her. But all the straight narration and telling, instead of showing, distances the reader from your characters.] ___0__ Does this entry exemplify the genre of chick lit?
Constructive Comments: Judges are encouraged to offer comments and suggestions that may prove helpful to authors. 1. What did you especially like/dislike about heroine/main characters? Why? She sounds fun when we actually get to hear her voice. The ‘books by the pound’ and her engaging friendliness. 2. What are two areas you felt were done well? (Tell why if appropriate). I think you have a gift for dialogue. I’d love to have heard more of it. Also, the Hawaii setting and the mystery based in WWII is fascinating. 3. What are two areas you feel need work? (Tell why, offer suggestions) The drone of constant narration instead of the actual movement/dialogue/interaction drags the story down to a snail’s pace. You described four separate shopping trips in forty pages! Plus the contents of her suitcase. And so on and so forth. No editor or agent is going to slog through so much description. If you pick up the pacing, you can really build a great story with your intriguing premise. 4. Anything else? This is not chick lit. You’d do much better categorizing/shopping it as romantic suspense or straight suspense, depending on how you proceed with it.
Comments:
Post a Comment
