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Thursday, April 29, 2004

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TEXAS GIRL

I hear and read a lot of jokes, and I promise not to make a habit of posting them, but I thought this one was worth sharing.


Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Indiana. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Ohio. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Texas girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done, and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!





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POSTHUMOUS MEDALS

So sad to get home and turn on news to hear that ten more Americans were killed in Iraq. How media can spend so much time on what John Kerry did or didn't do with his medals/ribbons 30+ years ago escapes me.

One analyst predicts an outcome where we will declare we've won the war, exit Iraq, and the country will dissolve into anarchy among its many factional interests.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

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SOAP MAKES WATER WETTER

I learned early in the job that a hotel bar is not exactly one exciting episode after another but perhaps that realization reached its peak - or maybe nadir is more accurate - when a couple of young executive-type men, watching Brian rinse beer glasses, got into a discussion on whether it was safer to clean dirty dishes with just water than trying to get dish soap off them.

The conversation was especially amusing to me because I’ve heard this from a few other people of the male persuasion. One of the men commented that he was certain he had been chronically ill from eating soap the whole time he lived with a particular woman.

So tell me, is this a basic gender difference? Do all men have a dish-soap phobia?

Sunday, April 25, 2004

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I DIDN'T ASK FOR THE ANAL PROBE

Had trouble getting to sleep when I got home last night, so I watched Passion Fish. Not a bad movie, but didn't make my top ten.

I always record CBS Sunday Morning, and I have to tell you that Nancy Giles nailed my opinion about the photographs of the soldiers' coffins. It's all very sad, but we should be reminded of it.

Spent yesterday with my friend K and I'm afraid I'm hooked on him. I don't know where this is all going, but he is such a wonderful person. Tell me what to do.

Friday, April 23, 2004

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GOOD DAY AT BLACK ROCK

The current Supreme Court case dealing with the detainees at Guantanamo Bay got a conversation going last night about the internment of Japanese during World War II and one of the guests asked if Japanese in Hawaii were put in camps like they were in the Western U.S. The answer, put forth by Brian and confirmed by Cliff, is interesting. In 1941, the US Territory of Hawaii was the home of about 90,000 Japanese and 160,000 Nisei (American-born decendants of Japanese). Although many whites demanded the internment of these people as security threats, the Island's economy depended completely on them as the major work force so they kept their freedom. And history would show that no act of sabotage was ever carried out during the war by Hawaii's Japanese population.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

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FUGO

K and I have been exchanging e-mails regularly though all pretty much mundane. He seems to like me as a good listener to his analyses of how little events in history are the seeds of big events. He also says he wants to take me out for Japanese food. I allowed that I've been told sushi is an acquired taste and am willing to experience it but his interest is a little more exotic: he wants me to try fugu - which is also known as blowfish, globefish, puffer, and swellfish. I was aware that this fish can be toxic but K had to point out that a lethal dose for an adult human could be put on the head of a pin. it seems strange to me but it is a much-in-demand delicacy, because it tastes good but also because, so it seems, the risk enhances the flavor in the mind of the consumer. Strict regulations for restauranteurs and wholesalers have made it much safer than it was (30 steps in its preparation are prescribed by law) but I'm hopeful that K will not be able to find a restaurant in Honolulu that serves it. Or that its price will be outside his budget. Watch him find some little back alley no-name dive that offers it. I'm not exactly flattered. Would you be if your Significant Other wanted you to play Russian roulette with your food?

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

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NOT IN THE ZONE

Once again, I am feeling disconnected from my Bloggity-Blog friends. (I warned you I was going to borrow that, Deb.) I have the night off from the bar and got home from the bank job a couple hours ago. And most of the bloggers in my circle are already sleeping. Wes might be the exception. My impression is that he is up late a lot, and I think he lives in the middle of the country anyway, instead of the east coast - or did I make that up?

Apparently, I have nothing else to share. Working two jobs, one might think I would have all sorts of observations to make about the good people of Waikiki and the world at large, but not tonight. Maybe I'll be better when my mouth stops hurting. Hope you all sleep well.

Monday, April 19, 2004

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OF MICE AND MEN

After calling half the dentists on Oahu, I found one who could see me on an emergency basis, but of course he's not finished with me yet. I'm not complaining, though, as my discomfort has been eased considerably.

Wes, I will confess to a stiff drink before I went to bed last night, but probably shouldn't make it my primary treatment for the night-grinding. I did make a run to the drug store for Anbesol, and it probably helped, too, but not as much as the drink.

The worst part is that all this has made for a less than auspicious start to my new job. Generally, I don't think they recommend calling in sick your first day of work, and definitely not twice in your first week. Que sera. Or gang aft agley. Or something.

*****

Bob Woodward's new book won't likely change many minds already set pro or anti the current administration but there was an interesting sound bite on 60 Minutes showing Dick Cheney giving a speech on 8/26/02 in which he is seen and heard declaring "Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction; there is no doubt that he is amassing them to use against our friends, against our allies, and against us."

"No doubt"? More that 700 lost American lives, thousands of Iraqi lives, countless injuries, and billions of dollars later, yet no WMD. There does indeed seem to have been a doubt. And a corresponding doubt about Cheney integrity.



Sunday, April 18, 2004

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NOW SCREAMING

I tried to change my blog template and lost the comments and links and stuff. What a moron.
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TONGUE IN CHEEK

Our word for the day, boys and girls, is BRUXISM. I grind my teeth in my sleep, and because I've refused to sleep with hardware in my mouth, I now have a broken tooth to show for it.

When I woke up this morning, my tongue immediately felt something different on one of my molars, and went exploring. It felt like there was a crack in the tooth, and when my curious tongue pushed around on it, a rather large chunk of tooth dislodged itself, leaving a jagged edge exposed. I ordered my tongue to cease and desist immediately, but I seem to have no control over my tongue. It persists in poking at the tooth, and is getting very sore.

Does anyone have any recommendations? I need a Tongue Control Device before it gets any worse. I'll see a dentist tomorrow, but by then I might have to amputate the tongue.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

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I made it through orientation at the bank, which consisted mostly of sitting in a conference room watching videos. This is their way of introducing the basics of bank security procedures and policies. It's my understanding that this is followed by a couple days of computer-based training on federal regulations, and then I get to shadow an experienced teller to learn the particulars of paying and receiving. (Would you like fries with that? No, no, wrong job.)

If you don't hear from me much during the week, it's because my brain got too full of Bank Stuff.

K and I have been exchanging emails lately, so it's almost like I've joined the online dating circle. Hope our schedules match up again soon.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

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THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

I don't know about this book deal. Wendy's not a dictionary. Am I really Alice?




You're Alice's Adventures in Wonderland!

by Lewis Carroll

After stumbling down the wrong turn in life, you've had your mind
opened to a number of strange and curious things. As life grows curiouser and curiouser,
you have to ask yourself what's real and what's the picture of illusion. Little is coming


to your aid in discerning fantasy from fact, but the line between them is so blurry that
it's starting not to matter. Be careful around rabbit holes and those who smile to much,
and just avoid hat shops altogether.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.




Wendy's wish for a non-canine neighbor and her Douglas Coupland quotes brought to mind Rich Hall's book, "Sniglets," and his glossary of words that should be created. Examples:

ROVALERT - n. System whereby one dog can quickly establish an entire neighborhood network of barking.

MUSQUIRT - n. Water that comes out of the first squirts of a squeeze mustard bottle.

HYSTIOBLOGINATION - n. The act of trying to identify a gift by holding it to your ear and shaking.

FRUST - n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until she finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LAMINITES - n. Those strange people who show up in the photo sections of brand-new wallets.

UFULATION - n. The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized there.

UPULS - n. The blank pages at the end of books, presumably placed there so you can rewrite the ending.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

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Since I read The Anonymous Blogger every day, I decided it was time to add a link. If you don't already read his blog, you should check it out. Since he added comments, his is one of the liveliest blogs around.

Glad I'm not the only one to be humiliated by a drug test. Thanks, Amanda and Tamara, for your empathy.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

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A CLEAN WELL-LIGHTED PLACE

You should all go to work for a bank so you can go through fingerprinting and drug testing. It can be quite entertaining. The drug testing was done at an Immediate Care clinic, so I had to wait my turn. It gave me an opportunity to observe a young woman riding herd on three small children. She couldn’t have been much older than I am, and I don’t know that all three children were hers, but it appeared to be the case. She had her hands full with an infant and twins who were walking, but still in diapers. We shared the waiting room with a rough-looking man in leathers, and one of the twins kept wandering over to stand in front of the man and stare at him, finally offering to share his bottle, which made Leather Man laugh.

For drug testing, they don’t let you carry anything into the restroom with you, presumably because you might try to substitute someone else’s urine for your own. I figured out that the real test is for humility, not drugs. How on earth does anyone maintain any sense of dignity while attempting to fill that little cup? Now you all have an amusing image in your heads of me peeing all over my fingers, don’t you? I’m so embarrassed; I might have to delete my blog.

Monday, April 12, 2004

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TIMES ARE A-CHANGING

I went to the bank this morning and got my official job offer, which included a set of fingerprint cards and a form to take with me when I go to the clinic to pee in a cup. They want me to come in for orientation one day this week and then start work next week. Apparently, they let you start before they get the results of the background check and drug test and then can you if you fail either.

I found out where I have to go, but decided to wait until tomorrow to get the fingerprints and drug testing done. (Gives me an extra day to get all those drugs out of my system.) My schedule will fluctuate, with Mondays and Fridays from 10:30-2:30 standard. Mid-week days will be scheduled probably a month at a time, based on anticipated workloads, I guess, and scheduling of other tellers.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

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SATURDAY NIGHT LIVELY

Despite my avowed disinterest in "American Idol," it is difficult to sidestep because every time I update myself on the news it seems to be referenced. John Stevens, who sang "My Girl" off-key and forgot the lyrics to "King of the Road," has received the most votes to stay on the show yet an MSNBC Web poll - below - shows him far and away the least popular.

Who should be voted off "American Idol" next? *185368 responses
Fantasia Barrino 4%
Diana DeGarmo 4%
Jennifer Hudson 3%
George Huff 1%
Jon Peter Lewis 22%
LaToya London 1%
John Stevens 61%
Jasmine Trias 3%

How so? Near as I can tell, the MSNBC poll is configured such that a participant can vote only once. But I was led to a website with this quote: "Last night, after American Idol, Lindsey, Even, and I voted for John Stevens, the 16 year-old redhead 300 times. ..." Apparently, this is not uncommon; another woman claimed she voted for Stevens 400 times because she thinks the Idol should be like her son. Fine to have individual tastes but it's sad that the outcome may be determined by people who lead such shallow, empty lives that they spend days and nights stuffing the ballot box.

Night out with Joan was far more raucous and energetic than I am accustomed to but it was fun. I would not say Joan dresses provocatively to go clubbing but a lot less conservatively than I. Yet I don't think I cramped her style - probably because I am 20 years younger than she is and I like to dance. Not that Joan was any slouch - she looks and acts 30-ish. It occurred to me during my third drink that I could not imagine K in a noisy, neon nightclub though in the cold light of day, I would not hold it against him. Maybe I appreciate his quiet compatibility even more.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

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BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED

This is my first Saturday night off in a while and with K involved with family, I decided to see if I could take Joan up on her offer of yore to take me clubbing. Figuring that she should be awake by 11AM, I knocked on her door, stated my request, and was met with an enthusiastic yes.

As I looked through my wardrobe to narrow down my choice of three outfits to one, I was suddenly struck with a sense of being unfaithful to K. There is no reason for this; we have never hinted at a commitment to each other. Or maybe I feel a commitment to him. Or want to feel a commitment to him.

Well, it won't keep me from going out on the town. And the fact that I've never been hit on at the bar is a pretty good predictor that my fidelity or imagined fidelity won't be tested. But what if it is?


Friday, April 09, 2004

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WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLOG MORON?

I'm having a hard day. I published for today and it was duplicated so I went in to fix it and deleted yesterday's. What a moron. Okay, here's today's again. Sorry about yesterday.

I linked to the “What classic movie are you?” test from Wes’s blog. He’s Apocalypse Now. I’m Raiders of the Lost Ark. You know, from reading Wes’s blog, I can kind of see how that might fit. I wouldn’t have pegged myself as Raiders, but the more I think about it, the better I like it. I’m up for an adventure, but I’m not thinking a bank is really the place to find it. Oh, well, it might be the place to make a couple extra bucks so I can afford the adventure.



What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com


I have been trying to decide how to respond to Wendy’s question about whether K and I got around to watching any DVD’s.

This Blog World is a peculiar thing, don’t you think? I had friends in high school and college. My social life was reasonably active. I dated and had groups of friends who did things together. But I never had a “best friend” with whom I shared my inner thoughts and deep, dark secrets. Now, in this public forum, I find that I am about to reveal some of my most private feelings and experiences. But it’s new to me, so I have to think a little more before I share.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

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KONA COFFEE

I like to pretend that you’re all out there on the edges of your seats waiting to hear how my date went. (I’ve always had a rich fantasy life. When I painted my bedroom one time, I pretended I was in Africa, spreading mud on my hut.)

Thanks to the excellent suggestion from Lisa, dinner was tasty (and expeditious). It even looked good. Are you ready for this? K spent the night. No, no, not that way. While we were working our way through my DVD collection we fell asleep. By the time we woke up, the buses weren’t running, so we just settled in with our pillows and blankies and had a slumber party. When I woke up, K was clattering around making coffee.



Tuesday, April 06, 2004

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TENDERLOIN IS THE NIGHT


Twelve Marines reported killed in Iraq today. Reasonable minds may debate the legitimacy of this war but only an idiot President could be so naive and insensitive as to joke about his justification for starting it.

Yesterday I claimed that I’m not nervous about dinner tonight, which was only partly true. In general terms, I’m not concerned about impressing K with my culinary skills (or lack thereof) and I know better than to think that the future of our relationship hinges on this one event. But I do want dinner to be nice and to be honest I am hoping to pursue the relationship further, despite preparing myself for disappointment.

I went to the grocery store bright and early and found tenderloin (seasoned and with instructions on the package). The bakery had loaves of French bread that were still warm from the oven, so I bought one. I almost bought garlic stuff to mix with the butter, but remembered the kiss-factor, so I’ll just use plain butter. Bought little red potatoes and baby spinach for a salad, fresh fruit for dessert, and I always have ice cream in my freezer (right beside my snowball).

Wish me luck again.



Monday, April 05, 2004

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BERNICE BOBS HER HAIR

I always stay out of it but political discussions at the bar increase in number and intensity after a particularly harsh day of casualty reports from Iraq. It may be months or years before the invasion and occupation can be impartially judged by consensus as right or wrong but it is sad to realize that the lives many more families will be permanently changed for the worse in the meantime. And it's sure not good to be alienating the Shiites of Iraq - in that they form a majority of the population.

Tomorrow morning I will food shop for my dinner with K. Someone asked if I'm nervous about hosting and I'm honestly not. "Starting from Square Two," blogs by TAB, Caren, Amanda, Val, Lisa, Wendy, Blogette and associated comments have given me much to think about regarding relationships. I like K - and I say that not simply because he is the only man I have had a date with in many a moon (I don't count the boat ride with "I've got an extra ticket" Tom). We carry on intelligent conversations, laugh at the same humor, and have similar (simple) tastes in food. But he is a serious academician and I'm not a scholarly type. I don't envision a life partner whose interests in literature, hobbies, music and earthly pleasures align precisely with mine yet in my "study" of relationships, I see a need for a depth of compatability which I don't know if K and I have.

Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize avoidance of feeling hurt if this doesn't work out.


Sunday, April 04, 2004

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A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE

In the course of my morning blog-hop, I read Tamara's lament about the shift to daylight savings time. She was pining for Arizona, where the time doesn't change. The time doesn't change in Hawaii, either. It seems fair that those of you who lose an hour of sleep on Sunday should gain it back at work on Monday.

While I was having my normal coffee with Beryl, I looked through the TV listings in the Sunday paper as she did the crossword puzzle and saw that "Fried Green Tomatoes" was on this morning. I asked Beryl if she was familiar with it and she raved about it and added a footnote that it was written by Fannie Flagg, who had been one of the shills on "Candid Camera" years ago. Anyway, I watched it. Wow. I know it's hardly news but in my opinion it was one compelling movie. The use of flashbacks, if done well, is an effective technique for telling a story. Besides, I like Jessica Tandy and Kathy Bates.

Saturday, April 03, 2004

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SELF-RELIANCE


Another lone vacationer was at the bar last night, this time a 47 year old woman. I know she was 47, because she pretty much filled me in on her life history. When she got married at age 22, her husband promised to take her to Hawaii for their 25th anniversary. After 23 years together, he left her for a younger woman, so she decided to treat herself to a Hawaiian vacation anyway. (Good for her!)

She had a few bitter things to say, but overall, she seems to have decided maybe life isn't so bad on her own. As you might imagine, she had plenty of advice for me about men, but all of it boiled down to: "You can't rely on anybody else. You have to take care of yourself."

And that isn't such bad advice, is it? Whether or not you find someone to spend your life with?



Friday, April 02, 2004

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LIST, LUST, LOST

An anonymous reader suggested that I should post my check-list. I’ve thought about it, and it would be pretty boring to post the whole list, since I have done only fourteen or fifteen of the things listed, and mostly the dull ones, like ridden in a taxi and been on a plane.

So without getting too graphic, I will share one other item. The same thing happened to me as happened to George Costanza when his mother arrived home unexpectedly - only this involved my brother and a friend of his. They didn't know I was in my room and came in to get my high school yearbook to check out a girl. But the girl who got checked out was me. My brother was embarrassed. But his friend thought it was funny. A few years after the fact I can almost think of it as a bonding experience of sorts - the friend was cute.

Feel free to speculate about the other twelve things I’ve done. Let your imaginations go wild.

I got hooked on The Apprentice and taped it last night. I was disappointed to see Troy go. Hard to second-guess gazillionaire Trump and maybe Troy brought it on himself by sending Bill out of the Board Room. Kwamie, with a Harvard MBA, is obviously bright and thus a more-likely candidate for a Trump presidency than high school grad Troy - a fact The Donald noted. But Troy's a good guy - personable and a leader. I heard on the radio that in addition to a wife and kids, he takes care of a deaf and developmentally-disabled sister and helps his mother, who has lupus.

I have not followed American Idol but Amy sent along her opinion: Fantasia, La Toya, and George are worthy of the crown; Camile, Jon Peter, and John should be bounced.





Thursday, April 01, 2004

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My blog friends out there have me wondering if I really want the job at the bank now. Do you suppose anyone will be offended if I wear plastic gloves (like they wear at the deli) when I wait on them? Guess I hadn't really thought about how bad it could be, although I've noticed money being dirty.

I thought about posting the check-list that Amanda did yesterday, but I'm embarrassed for everyone to know how few things on the list I've done. Maybe it's time I kicked up my heels a little? I guess I could use the check-list as a guide and just start working my way through.

I'm late!


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